A Poem by Sarah Grady

This was written by our photographer for our Wedding Sarah Grady. She is 18 weeks pregnant with her first child. And not only is she an amazing photographer, but a humorous poet. Below is her Poem entitled: Hell No!

The new forward to my book - WARNING: may offend some people with children and has some choice language

Well as most of you know by now, I'm not a big fan of the whole pregnancy thing. Today I finally broke down and cried to my mom. I really never thought it would be this hard. I have every issue known to man and the fact that my mom is on the other side of the country has been difficult. So after my lil breakdown I decided I could either cry about it or laugh about it. I finally chose laugh about it. :)

After a few hours I learned my new destiny to write a book entitled "Hell NO!" The truth about pregnancy. If you choose to read the graphic and disturbing but brutally honest poem below you will understand my point of view. I believe that this book will be a best seller and high schools across the country will use it for their abstinence programs. :) So below is my poem which will be the forward to your upcoming tale of HEEELLLLL No! (And to my church group I apologize ahead of time but this is how I feel).

**WARNING: may offend some mothers and has some choice language to get the point across**

The Pregnancy Alphabet

A is for
Ass terds coming out your hole
Otherwise known as hemorrhoids
Dangling in your toilet bowl

B is for
Burping a lot of what you'll do
Not exactly like a lady
But like an animal in the zoo

C is for
Constipation, Stonehenge you will pass
Your terds will be so huge
You'll think you can have that baby right out your ass

D is for
Depression they'll be moments far and few
But remember you are lucky
Having one baby and not two

E is for
Ever changing Appetite
Because you want to eat everything in sight
Problem is you only want a bite

F is for
Farting there's no hiding it now
It's like something is rotting inside you
Something very VERY fowl

G is for
Gas you have both above and below
You sound like a one man band
Farting, burping, to and fro

H is for Hellish Heartburn
Your esophagus is melting away
No more chili, no more pizza,
And no more Chinese for many days

I is for
Irritable some of which you'll be
The good news is it passes
With your multiple personalities

J is for
Jittery because if you don't eat on time
You look like a drug addict
Down to his last dime

L is for
Your Numbing Limbs legs and arms
so far the case
Will it be like Botox
If this issue hits my face?

M is for
Mood Swings with God's help
This too shall pass
People are afraid to tell you
your a dramatic pain in the ass

N is for
Nausea this sucks really bad
Your head is in a bowl not puking
But really wishing that you had

O is for
Overactive Bladder cough or sneeze
And you will pee
I'm only 29
But Depends are looking good to me

P is for
Pooping a joyous privilege
You rarely see
Every terds a celebration
Once you get past month 3

Q is for
Queasiness which you'll experience alot
You wanna puke
You need to puke
But your head just hangs in the pot

R is for
A runny nose flowing freely away
Be proud of this issue
It's either your nose or your va jay jay

S is for
Sore Boobies but this issue doesn't stick
You feel like you had a bad mammogram
But it just isn't as quick

T is for
Trouble Breathing it starts about month four
You feel like you've ran a mile
But you only answered the door

U is for
Uterus Enlargement but everyone has this
However the bigger the uterus
The more you have to piss

V is for
Vomiting it's an evil friend
Maybe for a few months
Maybe until the end

W is for
Water Retention this really isn't bad
Until the doctor weighs you
And then it's really sad

X is for
eXtra Weight Gain just accept it and move on
No matter how cute the clothing
You still look like you weigh a ton

Z is for
Zits all over back acne is a bitch
Welcome back dear old puberty
Your ugly but at least it doesn't itch

The letters K and Y were not listed you may say
For K and Y got us into the mess we're in today
So remember to prepare yourself
Before the journey you may begin
Don't listen to the ooey gooey moms
Who will try and suck you in
No matter how sweet that baby smells
Or how cute that lil smile
9 months of hell will come your way
A never ending mile
Those other moms will tell you lies
of how happy you will be
To them I say HEEELLLL NO!
The truth shall set you free!

SG

Phoenix Suitcase Party Fundraiser

In support of a couple of friends I have in the Active 20-30 Club of Phoenix, I’d like to tell you about an event that’s coming up that I thought you would be interested in attending. First of all, for those of you that aren't familiar, the Active 20-30 Club of Phoenix is one of Arizona's most active fundraising men's clubs. Since its founding, the club has raised millions of dollars and dedicated thousands of hours to local children's charities.

The club is hosting a new fundraising event, in conjunction with Make-A-Wish Foundation, called the Phoenix Suitcase Party ( www.phoenixsuitcaseparty.com ). In a nutshell, attendees will arrive at the event with their bags packed for a weekend getaway. Guests will arrive at the posh and private corporate aircraft hangar of Atlantic Aviation at Deer Valley Airport. Upon arriving, they will walk the red carpet and enjoy an evening of drinking, dancing and dining from various local restaurants.

Each ticket to the event serves as a raffle ticket. At about 9:30 PM, a Lear 55 private jet will taxi up to the hangar and the raffle will begin. If your raffle ticket number is called, you and your date will grab your bags, board the jet, and leave immediately for an all expense paid weekend in Sonoma Valley, CA. Once in Sonoma, you’ll enjoy 5-star luxury accommodations, 2 days of private winery tours with chauffeured transportation, meals, and spending money. On Sunday afternoon, you will once again board your Lear 55 jet and return to Deer Valley airport, where your car (and reality) will be waiting for you.

Those that don’t win the grand prize will still have a chance to put those packed suitcases to use. After guests watch the Lear 55 depart the hangar, additional prizes will be drawn from the raffle for “stay-cations” in the greater Phoenix area. These include 2 night stays at the Intercontinental Montelucia Resort, the Arizona Biltmore Resort, and the Westin Kierland Resort. The winners of these vacations will grab their bags and board their own private limousines to their “local weekend getaway”.

The event is 3-weeks away on Friday, May 8th and begins at 6:30 PM. If you’re lucky enough to win one of the vacations, you won’t return home until Sunday. Without giving away too much, your odds of winning some sort of a weekend getaway are fairly good. They anticipate having 500 people in attendance so if you bring a date, you have a 1 in 250 chance of winning the private jet vacation and a 1 in 84 chance of winning at least one of the weekend getaways.

As usual with all Phoenix 20-30 events, all of the proceeds go to benefit local children’s charities. So get some friends together for a great night for a wonderful cause.

If you would like to attend and are interested in purchasing tickets to the event, please let me know. Or you can purchase tickets online at www.phoenixsuitcaseparty.com. Tickets are $100.00 each and make sure to choose “Referral Source: Phoenix 20-30 Member” and then Marcus Davi's name, as he is the person I'm supporting in the club.

It’s going to be a great event for a wonderful cause.

Recommended Reading for Professional and Personal Development

Recommended Reading:
Six Sigma

The Six Sigma Way: How GE, Motorola, and Other Top Companies are Honing Their Performance, by Peter S. Pande, et al, Robert Nueman, and Rolan Cavaanagh.

Managing Six Sigma: A Practical Guide to Understanding, Assessing, and Implementing Strategy, by Forrest W. Breyfogle, James M.Cupello, and Becki Meadows.

Implementing Six Sigma: Smarter Solutions Using Statistical Methods, by Forrest W. Breyfogle.

Building Continual Improvement, by Donald J. Wheeler, Sheila R. Poling.

The Complete Guide to Six Sigma, by Thomas Pyzdek.

Six Sigma: The Breakthrough Management Strategy Revolutionizing the World’s Top Corporations, by Mikel J. Harry and Richard Schroeder.

Six Sigma for Managers, by Greg Brue

The Six Sigma Revolution: How General Electric and Others Turned Process Into Profits, by George Eckes

Making Six Sigma Last: Managing the Balance Between Cultural and Technical Change, by George Eckes

The Six Sigma Way: Team Fieldbook, by Peter Pande, Peter, Robert Neuman, and Roland Cavanagh

Out of Crisis, by W. Edwards Deming
Implementing Six Sigma, 2nd Edition, by Forrest Breyfogle
Management Leadership

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey
The Boundaryless Organization: Breaking the Chains of Organizational Structure, by Ron Ashkenas, Dave Ulrich, Todd Jick, and Steve Kerr.
Reengineering the Corporation, by Michael Hammer and James Champy.

Beyond Reengineering, by Michael Hammer.

The Reengineering Revolution, by Michael Hammer and Steven A. Stanton.

Jack Welch & The GE Way: Management Insights and Leadership Secrets of the Legendary CEO, by Robert Slater.

Discontinous Change, by David A. Nadler.

Leading Change, by John Kotter.

Turnaround: How America’s Top Cop Reversed the Crime Epidemic, by William Bratton, Peter Knobler.
Process Improvement

The Goal: A Process of Ongoing Improvement, by Eliyahu M. Goldratt, Jeff Cox.
Understanding Variation: The Key to Managing Chaos, by Donald J. Wheeler.
Technical

The Cartoon Guide to Statistics, by Larry Gonick and Woollcott Smith.
Statistical Methods for Quality Improvement, by Hitoshi Kume.
Statistics Can Be Fun, by Wendell H. Abbott.
The Visual Display of Quantitative Information, by Edward R. Tufte.
Change Management

Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M.D.
Benchmarking

Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap . . . and Others Don't, by Jim Collins.
Web Addresses

www.six‑sigma.com/ , a six sigma overview.
www.ge.com/annual97sixsigma/index.htm , GE’s annual report with six sigma examples.
www.isixsigma.com , six sigma resources for achieving six sigma results.
RECENT ARTICLES
Overview and General

"Six Sigma: Road Map For Survival" by Joseph Defeo, HRFocus, July 1999.

"In Pursuit of Perfection" by Stephen Franklin, Chicago Tribune, April 4, 1999.

"Six Sigma: A Breakthrough Strategy for Profitability" by Mikel J. Harry, American Society for Quality Control, May 1998.

"Firms Aim for Six Sigma Efficiency" by Del Jones, USA Today, July 21, 1998.

"Abatement of Business Risk Is Key to Six Sigma: A Closer Link to Executive Thinking," by Mikel J. Harry, Quality progress, July, 2000.
General Electric (GE)

"Growth Initiatives" by Jack Welch, Shelton Marketing Communications, June 1999.

"New Economy, Old School Rigor," GE’s Management Methods Are Put to Work on the Web, by Claudia H. Deutsch, The New York Times, Monday, June 12, 2000.

"Implementing Six Sigma at GE," by Candace A. Hendricks, Richard L. Kelbaugh, Journal for Quality & Participation, July/August 1998.

"Six Sigma Enlightenment; Managers Seek Corporate Nirvana Through Quality Control" by Claudia H. Deutsch, The New York Times, December 7, 1998.
Cisco

"How To Drive An Express Train: At Fast Moving Cisco, CEO Says: Put Customers First, View Rivals As Good Guys," by Scott Thurm, The Wall Street Journal.

"Making Decisions in Real Time" by Thomas A. Stewart, Fortune, June 26, 2000.
DuPont

"DuPont and the Cult of the Six Sigma Samurai," by Michael Burger, Corporate Counsel, August, 2000.

Honeywell/Allied Signal

"Getting With the Program," by Roger Yu, Jill J. Barshay, (Minneapolis) Star Tribune, June 14, 1999.

Scott Paper/GE

"Six Sigma and the Future of the Quality Profession" by Roger W. Hoerl, American Society for Quality Control, June 1998.

DMAIC

"The Fundamentals of Six Sigma," American Society for Quality Control, June 1998.

Videos

"Time: The Next Dimension of Quality."

Housing Crisis Resources and Websites

In today's Housing Crisis, the key to any individual is education.
Below are some great websites to help educate you on the financial options for housing if looking to buy or struggling with the house you currently own:

http://www.hud.gov/

http://www.federalreserve.gov/consumerinfo/foreclosure.htm

A non profit organization called Hope Now. Go to www.hopenow.com for further details.

Fail Safe Home Buying in Today's Market Seminar

Fail Safe Home Buying in Today's Market


Learning Points:
The government wants to give YOU $8,000
$35,000 FINANCED Renovations!
The REAL Truth about the VALLEY REAL ESTATE Market...
Seating is limited!
Call Kris to reserve your seats today.
RSVP to Kris Anderson 480 567 2103


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When: Saturday, March 28, 2009
Time: Doors open at 10:AM
Seminar begins PROMPTLY at 10:30 Am
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Kris
Kris Anderson, CLHMS, CMRS, REC,ABR, HI
Your Premier Team @ RE/MAX Excalibur
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cell: 480-567-2103 ifax: 480-285-1855
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Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives.
~ James Madison

Dust off your clubs and join us.

Hey Everyone,

I am thinking of trying to put together a Foursome to support this event for ACBVI. As some of you may know I have been friends with Steve Welker for more than 10 years now and have seen how much this organization has helped him.

Cost: $450 for foursome (about $112 per player of the Foursome)
$125 for an individual player

Usually entrance to non-profit Charity events starts at $250 or higher per player. A portion of the entrance fee would be considered a donation. Or if you wanted to If you are interested in joining me, let me know. You can also sign up by yourself at $125 rather than signing up as a foursome.

Also pass this along to anyone else who may be interested in joining my foursome or playing on their own.

Details are below in the email.

For Steve's story go to: http://www.radicalresiliency.com/

Thanks,
Pablo

Read Below:

Family & friends,

Please mark your calendar for the inaugural Arizona Center for the Blind and Visually Impaired (ACBVI)/ Ahwatukee Lion's Club golf tournament.

The event is being held at the Legacy golf course in Phoenix On Saturday, April 18, 2009. Please see the attached flyer for all of the details.

Proceeds from the golf tournament, dinner and auction will benefit ACBVI and the Lion's club

If you are not a golfer, you can still support us by sponsoring a hole, donating an auction item or attending the dinner/ auction.

Thank you for your ongoing support of this important agency.

Steve Welker
Chairman- Board of Directors
Arizona Center for the Blind and Visually Impaired
3100 E. Roosevelt
Phoenix, AZ 85008

www.acbvi.org
Phone: 602.273.7411
Direct: 480.730.6200

Professional Development Tips

Tips from the recent January NSHMBA Professional Development Event:
Being laid off is a strategic retreat for a better perspective. These times are needed.

On resume
· Make specific statement
· Do not put tasked with but accomplished
· Focus on important
· Describe me in one word

Things to be working on· Google yourself
· Become known
· What do you want?
· Make more money
· Retain job...
· Get professional certifications (it shows you finish what you start)
· Do what is most important to your boss and customer
· “Ask, listen then adjust”
· Take five minutes to sit with boss per week and get input on where you should be
· Invest 10% of your work week to your career (Example: 40 Hour Work Week: 4 Hours to your career)
· Market yourself
· Get exposure in job
· Have passion. You will never work a day in your life. Make a life with passion
· Map out directions in your life
· Help others get what they want in ife
· Quantify/document
· Share results and accomplishments to boss
· See an image consultant
· Dress to the job you want
· Align activity with career goals
· Set your career objective/goal
· Approach the climb
· Find a path to your strategic career plan. Even if it is winding like a mountain climb and you take lateral positions to get to point you want, you will get there.

All of those steps were necessary to get you to your destination
· Keep a folder on what you do
· Job shadow
· Mentorship – both sides (learn and teach)
· Do more then expected
· Don’t confuse activity with progress
· What are requirements of the job you want
· Know your skills and strengths

It’s who knows you· Put yourself on Linked in and put your projects, etc. on (no immature postings)
· My Space - keep impeccable, Colorful pics (companies do employee research)
· Get published or blogged
· Company newsletter
· Join toastmasters
· Join National Speakers Association

In 8 seconds they learn about you things such as· Success
· Economic level
· Education
· Trust