A Poem by Sarah Grady

This was written by our photographer for our Wedding Sarah Grady. She is 18 weeks pregnant with her first child. And not only is she an amazing photographer, but a humorous poet. Below is her Poem entitled: Hell No!

The new forward to my book - WARNING: may offend some people with children and has some choice language

Well as most of you know by now, I'm not a big fan of the whole pregnancy thing. Today I finally broke down and cried to my mom. I really never thought it would be this hard. I have every issue known to man and the fact that my mom is on the other side of the country has been difficult. So after my lil breakdown I decided I could either cry about it or laugh about it. I finally chose laugh about it. :)

After a few hours I learned my new destiny to write a book entitled "Hell NO!" The truth about pregnancy. If you choose to read the graphic and disturbing but brutally honest poem below you will understand my point of view. I believe that this book will be a best seller and high schools across the country will use it for their abstinence programs. :) So below is my poem which will be the forward to your upcoming tale of HEEELLLLL No! (And to my church group I apologize ahead of time but this is how I feel).

**WARNING: may offend some mothers and has some choice language to get the point across**

The Pregnancy Alphabet

A is for
Ass terds coming out your hole
Otherwise known as hemorrhoids
Dangling in your toilet bowl

B is for
Burping a lot of what you'll do
Not exactly like a lady
But like an animal in the zoo

C is for
Constipation, Stonehenge you will pass
Your terds will be so huge
You'll think you can have that baby right out your ass

D is for
Depression they'll be moments far and few
But remember you are lucky
Having one baby and not two

E is for
Ever changing Appetite
Because you want to eat everything in sight
Problem is you only want a bite

F is for
Farting there's no hiding it now
It's like something is rotting inside you
Something very VERY fowl

G is for
Gas you have both above and below
You sound like a one man band
Farting, burping, to and fro

H is for Hellish Heartburn
Your esophagus is melting away
No more chili, no more pizza,
And no more Chinese for many days

I is for
Irritable some of which you'll be
The good news is it passes
With your multiple personalities

J is for
Jittery because if you don't eat on time
You look like a drug addict
Down to his last dime

L is for
Your Numbing Limbs legs and arms
so far the case
Will it be like Botox
If this issue hits my face?

M is for
Mood Swings with God's help
This too shall pass
People are afraid to tell you
your a dramatic pain in the ass

N is for
Nausea this sucks really bad
Your head is in a bowl not puking
But really wishing that you had

O is for
Overactive Bladder cough or sneeze
And you will pee
I'm only 29
But Depends are looking good to me

P is for
Pooping a joyous privilege
You rarely see
Every terds a celebration
Once you get past month 3

Q is for
Queasiness which you'll experience alot
You wanna puke
You need to puke
But your head just hangs in the pot

R is for
A runny nose flowing freely away
Be proud of this issue
It's either your nose or your va jay jay

S is for
Sore Boobies but this issue doesn't stick
You feel like you had a bad mammogram
But it just isn't as quick

T is for
Trouble Breathing it starts about month four
You feel like you've ran a mile
But you only answered the door

U is for
Uterus Enlargement but everyone has this
However the bigger the uterus
The more you have to piss

V is for
Vomiting it's an evil friend
Maybe for a few months
Maybe until the end

W is for
Water Retention this really isn't bad
Until the doctor weighs you
And then it's really sad

X is for
eXtra Weight Gain just accept it and move on
No matter how cute the clothing
You still look like you weigh a ton

Z is for
Zits all over back acne is a bitch
Welcome back dear old puberty
Your ugly but at least it doesn't itch

The letters K and Y were not listed you may say
For K and Y got us into the mess we're in today
So remember to prepare yourself
Before the journey you may begin
Don't listen to the ooey gooey moms
Who will try and suck you in
No matter how sweet that baby smells
Or how cute that lil smile
9 months of hell will come your way
A never ending mile
Those other moms will tell you lies
of how happy you will be
To them I say HEEELLLL NO!
The truth shall set you free!

SG